3. Factors hampering
and factors fostering intergenerational communication[i]
What does it take to bring these two worlds into a
more relevant contact with one another?
In every form of interhuman contact between friends, marriage partners, parents and
children and also between the
generations, a creative tension exists between identity and relationship,
between individuality and communality, between who we are inourselves and what
we have in common with others. What we want for ourselves at times runs
counter to what we have in common with others.
When
this happens and for the sake of a
relationship, we are sometimes willing to sacrifice part of our identity,
to become like the others want us to be.
We are also ready at times to
give up our relationship to others in the interest of safeguarding our right to
self-expression. What we need to
learn is that to be secure in our self-identity we actually need to be related
to others and that to be intimately related to others we need to be secure in
our identity. We need to master the difficult dance between identity and relationship.
What most often happens instead is that we communicate solely with those who think and
feel like we do and we denigrate the views and life style of those who differ
from us. We consider our own chosen way of living normal and we label the lifestyle of
those with whom we disagree as strange or absurd. We neglect to consider the possibility that there may be more
than one kind of normal in the world.
Intergenerationally
this form of miscommunication revolves around the notion of “reality”. Instead
of acknowledging that the emerging adult lifestyle of their children is
different from their own but equally valid, parents may tend to label their
views and behaviour as unrealistic and immature. The underlying assumption is that once they
settle down and become more serious about being adults the choices they will
make will also become more realistic, and like the choices their parents have
made.
Instead
of respecting the views and lifestyle of their parents as different but equally
valid as their own, emerging adults may tend to view the way their parents live
as unrealistically outdated and out of touch with the world of today. Regardless of the truth content of these
views by one generation of the other, such evaluations hamper the process of
communication between the generations.
To preserve or restart intergenerational
communication a change in attitude is required first of all. This entails the mutual recognition and
acceptance by the generations that the experience and outlook on life of the other,
while different from one’s own, is equally valid and needs to be respected. The generations need the support of each other’s difference. A society of only younger people or only older people is not a
good society.
Furthermore,
the key to fostering intergenerational communication lies in appreciating each other’s
otherness. Society is of necessity made
up of different generations and age groups.
A society of only old people or only young people is neither possible
nor desirable. Generational diversity is good for society. Acknowledging and appreciating this fact
enhances communication between the generations and it, in turn, strengthens the
bonds of society.
[i] Van Belle, H.A. Persisting Themata and
Changing Paradigms, explorations in the history of psychology. Pp. 6- 8. (Unpublished
manuscript. For access google Harry Van Belle)
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